Silver Vanity
What do you think of this?
I wrote this last night because i was experiencing my talent. What do you think of this?
It was almost nightfall, but twilight still lit the sky with unimaginable colors. The night to Spencer Abysson was soundless as if all the humans of the world were asleep. She walked from the window closing the tall burgundy curtains and looked at herself in the mirror. She was startling beautiful. Her eyes were a emerald green and her lips were full. Her hair was in a elegant bun and one strand of her hung down her porcelain cheek. She wore a black ball gown with red lacy designs. She was getting ready for the vampire masquerade that all the immortals of the abyss had to attend. She walked over to the vanity and grabbed her silver necklace of a lock and a key. It shined when it hit the light.
I had a few mistakes on one part but thanks to the people who thought is was good
You paint a good picture, but avoid using the “to be” verbs: is, was, were. Use more active verbs, combined with a characters movements.
“She looked into her own emerald green eyes, then glanced down at her full lips . . .” It also adds a sense of vanity which I kind of get in reading this scene.
Also, show don’t tell. Don’t tell me was startling beautiful, show it to me, which is basically what’s going on in this description.
Those couple of rules will help to make your writing stronger.
I also have an issue with “unimaginable colors”. It’s a bit impossible to be unable to imagine colors we are able to see with our own eyes every twilight.
Thanks for sharing. You’ve got talent.
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VINTAGE HAMMERED STERLING SILVER VANITY PRESSED GLASS HAIR RECEIVER JAR $75.00 |
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Gorham Sterling 27 Vanity Set (Brush, Comb, Mirror) $263.00 |
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LOVELY ART DECO SILVER DRESSER VANITY HAND MIRROR & BRUSH SET * GREAT DESIGN! $285.50 |
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VINTAGE CHANTILLY BY GORHAM SILVERPLATE MIRROR BRUSH AND COMB VANITY SET $15.99 |
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GORHAM SILVER PLATED “VANITY FAIR” 1924 28 PIECES SET. $34.99 |
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VANITY FAIR GORHAM 8 1/2″ KNIFE-SILVERPLATE = K1298 $16.99 |
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Antique Art Nouveau Vanity Brush Clothes Brush Silverplate $37.49 |
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Antique F&f Sterling REPOUSSE Vanity Brush Pat.6323 $140.00 |
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Antique Continental Silver Vanity Box B. Wicker Artist $325.00 |
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Antique Vanity Brush with Sterling Silver Handle $45.00 |
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Lovely Early 19th Century Cut Glass Silver Topped Vanity Jars By Francis Douglas $11.79 |
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PRETTY ANTIQUE VANITY JAR WITH SOLID SILVER TOP by CRISFORD & NORRIS~B’HAM 1918 $3.46 |
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*ANTIQUE STERLING SILVER VANITY MIRROR NOT SCRAP 260 GRAMS ESTATE FIND * $38.00 |
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*ANTIQUE STERLING SILVER VANITY MIRROR NOT SCRAP 330 GRAMS ESTATE FIND * $47.00 |
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Antique Sterling Silver Plaque Ebony S. L. &CoHair Cloths Vanity Brush $35.00 |
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VANITY FAIR Silverplate Gorham 1924 Ice Cream Fork $100.00 |
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FINE ENGLISH STERLING SILVER & FAUX TOTTOISE SHELL MIRROR & 4 BRUSHES VANITY SET $298.50 |
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1920′s Sterling Silver Vanity Case Pendant & Necklace $17.50 |
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ANTIQUE SOLID STERLING VANITY SET & MISC,1365 GRAMS,44 TROY OZ , SCRAP OR NOT $500.00 |
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2 Round Silverplate Candy Dish – Vanity Dish $14.99 |
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Vintage Sterling Silver Table Top Vanity Dresser Mirror $247.97 |
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Sterling Embossed Vanity Angels/Cherubs Lidded Cut Crystal Box c1904 $375.00 |
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Antique Sterling Silver Glass Vanity Jar ANGELS SP&S Ltd England c1905 $295.00 |
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Vintage GDA Limoges France Dresser Vanity Tray or Underplate Winter Snow Scene $29.95 |
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Sterling Silver Lidded Victorian Glass Vanity Jar $19.99 |
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Gorham VANITY FAIR (SILVERPLATE) Fork 185260 $13.99 |
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Gorham VANITY FAIR (SILVERPLATE) Soup Spoon 185217 $15.99 |
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Antique 4 Piece Silver Grooming Vanity Set $39.00 |
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Neat 1910s Vanity Jar with Silver Lid Hallmarked Chester 1913 $47.13 |
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Hamilton and Davis sterling vanity box. $380.00 |
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victorian SILVERPLATE RAISED cabbage rose VANITY NATURAL BRUSHES for clothing $45.00 |
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Vintage Sterling Silver & Glass Dresser/Vanity Powder Jar, Beaded Rim, Small $49.99 |
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victorian SILVERPLATE ETCHED vanity TRINKET BOX or nail buffer box VAN BERGH $45.00 |
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ANTIQUE STERLING 935 SILVER VANITY DRESSER MIRROR IDENTIFY HALLMARKED $22.50 |
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VINTAGE SILVER 925 VANITY CASE for MIRROR COMPACT ROUGE $185.00 |
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English Sterling Silver & Blue Guilloche Enamel Vanity Jar – 1933 $425.00 |
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Stunning & Unusual Cut Glass & Sterling Silver Vanity Jar – Acorn Shaped $265.00 |
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Art Nouveau Sterling Silver Vanity Box – Glass Lined $525.00 |
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Gorham Strasbourg Dresser Vanity Set STERLING 5 pieces 1897 $699.99 |
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Gorham Sterling Silver Vanity Set $399.99 |
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ANTIQUE SOLID SILVER VANITY SET BIRMINGHAM 1926-1928 $1.56 |
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Antique TATO Art Nouveau 534g Sterling Silver .925 Vanity Set Comb Brush Mirror $49.95 |
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Rare Sterling GORHAM Vanity Dresser Box STRASBOURG 1897 $495.00 |
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ANTIQUE STERLING SILVER AND LEATHER VANITY BOX $189.00 |
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Beautiful Sterling Silver Overlay & Glass Vanity Perfume Scent Bottle $189.99 |
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Antique 19C STERLING Hallmarked Repousse VANITY SET Mirror & 3 Brushes R&B $375.00 |
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VANITY PIECES **5**STERLING SILVER ** HAIR BRUSHES, SHOEHORN + NAIL FILE ** $149.99 |
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Antique Sterling Silver Mounted Vanity Comb $45.00 |
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Rare Vintage Woodside Sterling Silver Vanity Tray NO RESERVE .925 Not Scrap $12.50 |
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Homan Silver Plate And Glass Vanity Hair Receiver and PowderJar By Heisey $34.99 |